time to discover

it’s time for me to grow and heal
it’s time for me to fly and find my freedom

i have dreams to live
it’s time for me to love
it’s time for me to wander and travel the world
it’s time to seek simple understanding
it’s time to trust my journey

i’m writing my story and i’m so thankful for my life
i am becoming myself and i feel okay

i feel real
my life is mine, it’s magic

i’m going to be happy and grateful
it’s time for me to let my life happen and be okay with my reality

i am free
i am brave
i am ordinary
positive
lucky
loving
and kind

everything is going to be alright
i will be okay

it’s time to believe
it’s time to let go of my doubt

it’s time to discover

learning to believe

I wish I wasn’t so anxious and insecure. My feelings of anxiety and insecurity come out of nowhere. It’s so peculiar and embarrassing. I second-guess everything. Absolutely everything. Things could be going great for me and my brain would still find a way to make me feel scared.

It just feels SO wrong. My anxiety makes everything feel SO wrong. It makes ME feel wrong. I feel betrayed by my own brain when my anxiety hits me the hardest. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this. I’ve been mostly happy and comfortable lately, which is the scary thing. I have no real reason to currently feel anxious or insecure, but the memories of my past experiences keep lingering. They hit me SO HARD sometimes. It feels like I am living my past over again. I feel like I’m sixteen years old again and it’s so scary. I want to crawl out my skin when it happens. I don’t want to be ¬†bitter. I don’t want to be cynical of people.

I just want to love myself completely and allow myself to really believe that other people really do love me, too. I will grow from this. I will learn from this.

memories

my soul yearns for that time
i wish i knew how lucky i was then

everything was so simple
and beautiful
and pure
i was beautiful and simple and pure

and then my world crumbled
it was singlehandedly destroyed

i swore it would never happen
it could never never happen to me
oh, how naive was i
to believe everything could stay beautiful forever
and that i would be safe
and happy
and protected

it wouldn’t happen to me

it hurts like hell to think of what i endured
and yet, here i am
i am living
i am okay

~ i’m gonna be okay