learning to believe

I wish I wasn’t so anxious and insecure. My feelings of anxiety and insecurity come out of nowhere. It’s so peculiar and embarrassing. I second-guess everything. Absolutely everything. Things could be going great for me and my brain would still find a way to make me feel scared.

It just feels SO wrong. My anxiety makes everything feel SO wrong. It makes ME feel wrong. I feel betrayed by my own brain when my anxiety hits me the hardest. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this. I’ve been mostly happy and comfortable lately, which is the scary thing. I have no real reason to currently feel anxious or insecure, but the memories of my past experiences keep lingering. They hit me SO HARD sometimes. It feels like I am living my past over again. I feel like I’m sixteen years old again and it’s so scary. I want to crawl out my skin when it happens. I don’t want to be ¬†bitter. I don’t want to be cynical of people.

I just want to love myself completely and allow myself to really believe that other people really do love me, too. I will grow from this. I will learn from this.